"I wanted girls like the Wakefield twins to love me. I wanted the handsome boys who chased girls like those Wakefield twins to love me... I had hope, is what I'm saying, though certainly that hope was fragile."
Self-love, beauty, acceptance, and societal norms are all prevalent themes that are highlighted in Roxane Gay’s message in her commentary of the Sweet Valley book series in “I Once Was Miss America.” Gay begins by noting, Vanessa Williams, a character from the Sweet Valley book series that was a childhood inspiration as this character portrayed the embodiment of everything she was not; yet, this character was a source of motivation for all black girls that read this series, to believe that “[they] could be beautiful” too. Gay begins to show a juxtaposition between herself and the character as she begins to describe that Vanessa Williams had “perfect cheekbones” and “glittering teeth” while she had earned the barbarous nickname of “Don King” because of her “crazy hair” and “buck tooth”. As a child she idolized this character and had even dreamed of becoming Miss America just like her. However, as Gay matured we see the transition from this form of idealization to almost a criticism of the portrayal of this perfect world where everything was carefully manicured and everyone in it was successful, beautiful, and fit. Gay mentions herself that there is “nowhere in the world like Sweet Valley”. Although this book was a resort to help her escape from the fact that she was an outcast at her school because she was black and not the description of “beauty” in society, this book outlined an almost impossible life as reality entails a lifelong journey of failure, hardships, diversity and different definitions of what “beauty” really is. This certainly is exceptionally highlighted when Gay mentions that the “Sweet Valley twins” who portrayed what “perfection” was and the “ideal” form of beauty, which was being “blonde and thin and perfect even with all their human flaws”. Eight-year-old Roxanne would idolize these characters and would chase around to achieve this look but we see her transformation to accepting herself for who she is as the realization that these books defined only one ideal picture of beauty. Through Gay’s use of pronouns, we immediately share this pain with her as she divulges in her own insecurities and deepest feelings. Seeing this in a first person narrative really ties together her pain and struggles with others as most people usually tend to question themselves and their beauty to mold society’s normal portrayal of beauty. Reading this, I know that I share Gay’s feelings as I have also questioned myself, my beauty, my body, my personality as nowadays everyone that is considered to be beautiful is thin or tall or blonde. I’m short, a brunette, wide, and Hispanic. The representation of this type of beauty is not plastered all over billboard buildings or on the covers of magazines or even on television. Despite the strong, nostalgic feelings that Gay feels towards this series, a critical message is missing from these books that Gay underlines in her writing— beauty comes in many forms and that not everyone is supposed to see themselves being part of the “perfect” world of Sweet Valley.